No Good Deed…

A few weeks ago, we were waiting outside a Little Caesars for our pizza to be ready when Curtis and I were approached by a homeless man.

(And of course, the bundles we had just made were at my place instead of in our cars 🤦‍♀️ )

He asked if we had any money, but we didn’t have any cash on us. I gave him the 41 cents in my wallet and we told him to wait with us for our pizza so we could give him some.

He was cold and asked if we had a blanket, and Curtis gave him one out of his car. When our order was finally ready, we gave him a piece of pizza, bought him some crazy bread, and then I went back to buy him some water to make sure he was hydrated.

The water was TWO DOLLARS AND NINETEEN CENTS. That’s more than a two liter of name brand soda from the grocery store! And this was just one little bottle! I was so annoyed! But I put my penny pincher mind on pause because this wasn’t about me. I took the water out to him, but since we had given him so much stuff (pizza slice, blanket, bread, water bottle) he couldn’t carry it all and was using the trash can lid to balance everything when… the water bottle fell in the trash can!!!!

For reference, the trashcan looked like:

The man told me to forget about it, but that bottle was $2.19! I wasn’t letting that go to the trash! So I piled everything in Curtis’s arms to hold while I tipped over the trash can to go trash crawling for the water bottle. Of course, as I did that, I looked down and my loose glasses, aided by the fabric from my mask, slid off my face and onto the ground. As I stepped back to look for them, trash can still in hand, I stepped on my glasses. And they broke in three pieces. Then Curtis showed me that I could’ve just… taken the lid off the trashcan instead of immediately becoming a rabid racoon.

I told the story to my roommate when I got back to my apartment and she laughed and said “no good deed goes unpunished.” I figured that was a pretty fitting moral of the story.

I’m learning that if you really want to help people, it’s going to be inconvenient. You’re going to have to be a little selfless sometimes and part with things that you don’t want to lose, like the spare blanket you keep in your car, or a piece of the hot and READY pizza that took 20 minutes for the staff to make, or TWO WHOLE DOLLARS and nineteen cents. It’s sometimes going to come at the cost of your pride, as you learn that the ways you help maybe aren’t best for the needs of those you’re helping. It’s going to come at the cost of knowing that you will never be able to do enough to help everyone who needs it. But, in my experience, it will also come with the feeling that it’s a worthwhile fight.

I think Elphaba had some merit when she said that no good deed goes unpunished, but I don’t think I share the same bitterness about the sentiment. The superglued glasses that I now wear daily help me see “good deeds” in a different way. It’s no longer about warm fuzzies that happen after I give someone something — it’s about the way my heart breaks for people who can’t catch a break. And how it’s not “nice” of me to give what I can, it’s literally my responsibility as a neighbor, a friend, and a Christian. And responsibilities are not always easy. Or fun. Or convenient. Or rewarded.

Maybe not all good deeds go unpunished… but I’m willing to take the risk.

Xi’an: The City Of Love

Rach says it reminds her of Vegas but there are: no casinos, no strip clubs, no miniature models of places around the world, and no 1000 degree weather at night.

I call it the city of love because: I love it. That’s it. It’s nothing like Paris buuuut There is a light and music show projected on the city wall every night, multiple pagoda style buildings, a super cool city wall, and its just so charming.

We arrived Friday night at around 10 and I honestly expected it to be a small, dead town where people only went to see the terra-cotta warriors. I was dumb to believe that because we exited the metro station to see a light show, people selling light-up balloons, and a man with a turtle. The turtle was just lying on its back, moving it’s neck. He had some leaves right in front of it that he obviously couldn’t reach and he didn’t have a hat out for money so I have no idea why he was doing that to the turtle. But every single time we walked passed that very place, he was there, with his upside down turtle and leaves.

We checked into our hostel and I think I just want to move in and live there forever?

It’s beautiful, there are TWO CATS and a guitar and a restaurant and the ceiling is open but there are branches and leaves strung across the roof area and there’s even a bar underneath it. It’s called a “terra-cotta warrior themed bar” and we thought that sounded cool so we went to just check it out and there was one (1) imitation statue of a warrior and nothing else. I may have missed the other decor, though, because I took two steps in and was assaulted by the stench of smoke and alcohol and had to turn around immediately.

We woke up the next day and went to see the terra-cotta warriors!!! Chelsea and I get super bored on tours, but the other girls really wanted a tour guide, so we split up and Chelsea and I went to look on our own while the other girls took a guide. Part of our DIY tour was sitting in the pit 3 area while reading Wikipedia about the history of it all. Very informative. Can you imagine just digging a well on your farm one day and discovering a whole underground clay army from centuries ago? I’m shook they’ve only known about this for the past 40 years. Also being the archaeologists who get to uncover and restore them? Neato.

On their tour, the other girls got to meet one of the farmers who discovered the warriors, so that’s cool. Definitely missed out there. But they also got taken to a jade museum where they got talked into buying some /super/ pricey jade (because Xi’an is like the jade capital of the China?) and I am not jealous of that. (Note: they are happy with their purchases and that is awesome for them. I’ve just read a ton of posts and reviews and looked up prices elsewhere and it all sounds sketchy to me, so if you ever go to Xi’an, be aware of that.)

While they were on their 4 hour tour, we were bargaining in the shops. Chelsea is an amazing bargainer. I’ve decided I’m not buying anything unless she buys it because I know she’ll never stop bargaining it down until it’s the lowest it will possibly go. You would not believe her skills. Like the jade rings we got? (might be fake, but they withstood all the tests. Also who has to know it’s fake?) 80 yuan down to 5 yuan. (You could say “there’s no way it was real if they sold them to you for 5 yuan” and maybe that’s true, but if jade really is that common there (the mountain is just filled with it) then is it really that rare and precious? Just a thought.)

I got a little terra-cotta figurine and the lady told me it was handmade (in contrast to the machine made ones right next to it.) I don’t know what the originally price was but she gave it to me for 10 yuan. Rach bought one on her tour and it was a little bigger but it looked exactly the same and she paid ten times what I did. They told her it was made with the same clay as the actual warriors and that it was different than the ones sold out in the markets because those ones will disappear if you put them in water (???? Who is putting them in water???)

I say: it will literally sit on a shelf as a reminder of the day I rode a bus for an hour out to a random place to look at a pit filled with many clay men. I have no doubt that both hers and mine were made the same way and I honestly can just tell myself it was made from the same clay and feel great in my ignorance.

Tour guides are swindlers, man. But they have good stories sometimes.

That night we went to the drum and bell towers and there was a place where they had fresh cut fruit and they gave you a big plastic bowl and said you could fill it 2 kilo for 34 yuan. I just wanna say it was too expensive but it was freakin delicious and I’d do it again.

The next day we biked the city wall. Xi’an is the only city who’s wall has remained completely in tact. It was a really cool ride but they give you racer bikes and all I wanted was a cute basket and handlebars that were higher than the seat. It was really bumpy and I’m surprised my glasses stayed on the whole time. I really wanted to bike it at golden hour (like right before the sun set) because I hear that’s the most beautiful, but it was ok this way, too. If I could do it again, though, I’d do golden hour all the way.

Leaving the hostel was probably the hardest part of leaving the city? But it was a dope place. Could definitely spend longer there. I love that everywhere you go in China, there is dancing when the sun goes down. We walked the Main Street last night and every ten meters there was a different group with a giant speaker, blasting music and dancing. One of these days, I’m joining them.

Until then, catch me in Beijing. ✌️

Ring around the Wrong Finger (probably)

Ok so I had a pretty weird encounter.

Last week in Zhangjiajie, Rachel bought a ring at the market. It was like a green glass ring (looked kinda like Jade) and it was only 5 yuan, but she liked it a lot. Then one day, she dropped in the shower and it shattered (the people at the jade shop say it’s because it was protecting me. I say it’s because it was a cheap fake?) . So today, at the shops, I saw some rings and thought I could spare 5 yuan to buy Rach another ring.

I asked the lady how much they were and she pointed to the price tag where it said 80 yuan! So I was like “yikes nevermind I don’t want it” and she asked me to give her a price I would pay (like to bargain). The only price I would have paid was 5 yuan, but I wasn’t about to insult her by saying “yeah How about you lower the price 75 yuan,” so I just tried to say no. I was still in the shop waiting for Chelsea to buy her stuff, and so the lady kept lowering her price, showing me the tests of how it scratches glass (rag she dragged it along the glass case and it scratched it!) and doesn’t burn (like glass does) when you scrape it against itself (trying to show its real Jade) and finally said “ok 30 yuan!”

80 to 30 by just not wanting it, that’s the secret.

I was still not going to spend that kind of money on a ring ($6 would break the bank, yknow?) so I, again, said no. Chelsea came over and said “we found a shop that sold them for 5, so that’s what we were expecting.” The lady looked shocked and said “5 yuan???” And I, feeling bad and trying to be nice, was like “maybe it was fake? I don’t know?”

She was puzzled for a second and I thought we’d settled it and she goes “ok 5 yuan.” Just like that! What!!!!! So heck I bought me one, too. Mine was black though because I like black rings.

So I gave Rachel the green ring and asked her to marry me (because that’s a standard thing you have to do if you ever give a ring to anyone, right?) and our whole group was just sitting eating fruit by the Xi’an drum tower and a Chinese girl about our age comes up to me and says (very sweetly) “Hi I’m sorry, I’m a Christian and uh” and she shows me her phone and i in google translate it says

“Are you asexual?”

So at this point, I am confused because

1. Like, maybe? I’ve been asking myself that, too, and

2. What kind of person has the sixth sense to sniff out asexuals? Is it something I’m wearing? Do I just seem like that kind of person?

So, very confusedly (and probably laughing because freakin Rachel is dying of laughter) I said no, and she shows me her other google translate that said “I just think it’s interesting because I don’t know very much about it.” And then she says “oh I’m sorry” and walks away.

And like, I am so confused at this point? and I’m laughing, which I feel bad about, but Rachel is not helping, and the girls who asked me are just standing at a distance and pointing to their fingers, and I think of my ring. And I’m like “oh is that a thing in China where asexuals wear black rings???” And then I realize—

RACHEL AND I ARE BOTH WEARING OUR RINGS ON OUR RING FINGERS. GOOGLE TRANSLATE IS OFTEN UNRELIABLE; WHAT IF SHE MEANT HOMOSEXUAL.

So anyway now I feel bad because the Chinese girl is probably embarrassed and I’m embarrassed and Rachel is probably still laughing but now that we’re asexually engaged we got cheese fries and cheesecake to celebrate.

Note: ok I wrote this last night and then I wondered if she could have indeed meant asexual, so I googled it and APPARENTLY it totally is a thing that asexuals wear black rings on the middle finger of their right hands (not specifically in China, just in general). I don’t remember which ring my finger was on, in all honesty. I think it was the ring finger but it may have been the middle. BUT If she did mean this, though, why did she lead with “I’m a Christian”? And also, if I had said yes, uh, what then? I speak into her google translate and explain it to her? What kind of conversation would that be? How incredibly random.

???????????

Making Job Hunting My B… est Friend

hahaha like my clickbait title? maybe it’s in bad taste but my palate isn’t very refined anyway

Ok so really funny stories about job hunting r u ready *

I put my gmail address on my resume even though I really only ever check my msn because tnhoff937 is more professional (??) than ynaffit93? and then I’ve been checking my msn like crazy to hear back from jobs for the past ___ weeks with no luck… and yesterday I logged into my gmail and I have like 40 unread messages, many of which were from employers.

Hot diggity dog, I did not know that gmail would be my mystery mouseketool.

So it turns out that maybe I could have been employed weeks ago, but… I’m glad I had that time to just panic. We all need some nice I’m-so-useless-what-am-I-gonna-do panicking time, amirite?

And during that panicking time, I got pretty desperate, so I started throwing my resume at everything.

I signed up for more information about the campaign against Styrofoam (apparently it saves the sea turtles in some way. Boy do activists love those sea turtles) I applied to be some sort of rollin-in-the-dough customer service representative (sidenote: why?? do businesses?? post hiring ads?? without naming?? their company?? or location?? this has happened so many times!!) I applied to tutor, teach English to Chinese kids, for numerous freelance positions, deliver food n stuff (not from the Food and Stuff in Pawnee, tho, bc it got shut down), and charge scooters???

Half those gigs I turned down because like… I hate sea turtles?? (jk, Crush is the only good part of Finding Nemo) but it’s just not feasible to have 10 jobs, right? so that’s why I only have five. But they’re all kind of… not real? Like…

Tutoring

I applied for this tutoring company called Varsity Tutors and it’s online (but I tutor in-person) and halfway through the recorded interview, I realized I wasn’t really a fit tutor because like… I think grades are dumb and I was kind of a crummy student. But whatever, I had to finish what I started, but I was kind of an idiot the rest of the interview. They were like “tutors have to be experts at their subjects. What makes you an expert at your subject?” and I was straight up like “yo I’m definitely not an expert, but idk I like it.”

And whaddya know, they emailed me like “we think you’d be a great tutor!” So now I’m like, building a profile n stuff. I was also like “hey I’m an English major but I can tutor Algebra, why the heck not” and so they gave me this assessment, and I was like “fetch ok, maybe I can’t” but I passed it. I haven’t taken Algebra since like freakin eighth grade but it was fun then and I can use Google and text books now, so… come at me, students.

But after building my profile, I was like… “it’s…summer….kids don’t have school/classes to be tutored for in the summer??” So heck maybe it’s fruitless but WHATEVER MAN IM A TUTOR

2. Teaching English to Chinese kids!

So there are a ton of websites where you can teach English to Chinese students online, but I went with VIPKID because they were the ones who were the most annoying with their adverts all over the place? Also they’re one of the ones that require a Bachelor’s Degree and I like to FLAUNT THAT as OFTEN as POSSIBLE.

Anyway, they are complicated as heck and I had to rerecord my interview for them three times because they were unsatisfied with my first two attempts. It’s just recording yourself teaching but like…you imagine a student there instead of actually having one there. Do you know how awkward it is sitting in my room at like midnight three nights in a row talking to my laptop about my feelings very enthusiastically?? In my review, they were like “Pay closer attention to student’s output” and I just.. ??? what?? student????

In review, I just got hired like last night, so I haven’t taught yet because I have a heckton more prep to do (like this time, I get to teach a “student” who’s actually another teacher, and that might be more humiliating than talking to myself about my feelings, actually, so yea) but yeah I’m looking forward to it. Am I glad I chose this company as opposed to others? Maybe, idk, that’s the joy of not doing research, you have less room for regrets. But should you do this? Yes, and refer me because the referral bonus is awesome.

3. Resume Writing

So I signed up for this site called writers.work and it’s like $50 for a bunch of freelance tools, resources, connections, and tips, which is cool, but I was mostly just desperate and that’s why I signed up and gave them my money. They have a lot of jobs posted, and many of them are just from Craiglist (which I frequent), but something I didn’t take into consideration is that not all writing jobs that you can do in the Denver area are going to be on the Craiglist Denver. They pull from all telecommuting positions, which is not a search I’ve found out how to do on Craigslist. …but now I don’t have to, because I have writers.work

So this guy in Boston does resume writing and he needed some extra people so I applied and voila. I am a resume writer. Which is cool on the one hand, but then I opened one of those emails in my gmail about a comprehensive review of my resume from some chick who reviewed it for some reason?? and apparently it sucks so lol. There goes my confidence going into that.

I haven’t started yet but I will probably start that in the next day or two. It’s really cool because once I do the training video and figure out what I’m doing, I make requests daily of how much work I want to take on. And not only will I be doing resumes, but I’ll also be setting up LinkedIn profiles and writing cover letters so…

Pretty sweet right?!? I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing. Which I have to be now, so right on.

4. Door Dash

I know what you’re thinking. One of these things is not like the others. But it’s nice to get out of the house and drive around sometimes, no?

Okay, I have wanted to drive for Uber/Lyft for years but my dad “wont let” me. Not so much not let me, because I’m a capable adult who only needs her daddy for most (not all) things, but he has helped me with my car financially a ton so I didn’t want to disrespect him in that regard.

But it finally got to the point where I was like but daaaaaaad and he was just like “you have people having sex in the back of your car, you have people puking all over your car, you have people peeing in your car, you have people____insert other wildest dreams of what people can do in your car___, do you want all that in your car?” And like… no. No I definitely do not. But what on earth kind of sources is looking at about Uber?!?

So I decided to Google Uber horror stories and lol they’re pretty good. So I will not be driving people around. I will instead be driving around to get them food and then go to their doors. Wait, I’m sorry– dash to their doors. It wont make as good of blogging material as Uber would, but I’m sure there will be stories. And I am all about a good story.

5. SLIDES

Yes, I’m still going. The guy who I helped with slides a few weeks ago wants me again for another week or so to do some caulking. I did it today and now I am covered in caulking. It will not come off my arms and hands. or nose. Or glasses. Help.

He’s trusting me to do it all myself because he’s going to be out of town and so he gave me the key to get into the waterpark and I feel mad with power. Except it’d be way cooler if there was actually water in the waterpark.

6. ???????

So that interview I was going to have about teaching the eeukaley? Rescheduled to next week.

So job hunting stats in total:

4 – on-my-own-time I-create-my-own-schedule jobs

1 – temp job

1 – job pending.

Unknown – amount of emails about jobs received that I did not respond to

Unknown – amount of unsaved sea turtles

And hey– all these jobs? Hecka good pay.

I’m really glad I have a lot of the freelance/create-your-own-schedule jobs because when I have a family, I’ll probably want that. It’s nice that I’m learning the ropes right now. But that means I have to kick my own butt and be disciplined and it’s like– I can’t leave work at work anymore because home is now work and that means I have homework and that’s kind of disgusting. I also wonder if I’ll miss the workplace, you can meet some cool people through work sometimes.

But here are some jobhunting tips from a pro (because I’m obviously a pro now)

find odd jobs! Craigslist has a ton of temp gigs listed and sometimes they pay really well (only do the ones that pay well. you deserve it.)
1. Do this while your waiting for a real job to contact you. Better to make money while you wait to make money, right? It’s like making snacks while you wait for your other snack to be ready. Same concept, not as fattening.
throw your resume at everything! or just sign up if it doesn’t require a resume. Even if it doesn’t seem promising. If you are interested and you want to do it, whether it’s for the money, the experience, or whatever, nike up and just do it.
you can have both passion and money! so chase the freakin paycheck! We both know you need it!
don’t settle. don’t settle. don’t settle.
hey having a degree is worth it just so you know in case you needed motivation to keep going I believe in you if I could do it you can do it you go Glen Coco
oh yeah check the email that you put on your resume? for starters…

*I would just like to recognize that yes, I am an English major, and I know how to spell and punctuate very well, and no, that doesn’t mean I’m always going to. Deal wit it.

These days, these days

So the dude with the slides said that it would be about a ten day gig cuz we had four jobs, but after the second job, he said we were done because the latter two jobs were just small jobs and he only needed two people. He originally called it a “two-man job,” but then he was like “or I should say a two person job, because you’re as good as any man” (that’s right, I killed it (before it killed me)) and at first I was very flattered by the compliment and now I’m starting to think it’s because of the haircut…

but anyway, now I’m in that really fun phase of life calledddd–

JOBHUNTING

I know I made that the color of the rainbow, but be assured: there is nothing gay about this job hunt (both meanings intended).

Sidenote: that “N” is actually the color called indigo. I never really knew which color indigo was, but now I do. I’m kinda disappointed? it sounds like a much more exotic color.

SO BASICALLY my days consist of playing the guitar (because I’ve decided to stop being content in my lameness and actually develop my talents) and looking all over Indeed and Craigslist (among other sites) to try and land myself a sweet gig. I was holding out for a hero to save me, a.k.a. a writing job, because i’m…a writer… but I think I’m going to try the freelance route and get something that pays, because staying in bed all day does NOT. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered organ/whatever-I-don’t-need donation so I can stay lazy and be rich, but… I’m a pansy. Also, I’m not quite that desperate. Soon, though. Maybe.

I’ve also been spending a lot of my time trying to convince the two-year-old that lives with me (nephew) that he doesn’t need to run away crying every time he sees my face while simultaneously trying to convince his cousin (the five-year-old that I love so dearly) that the earth does not revolve around her and while I definitely love her, I also need validation from that two year old. Minimal progress is being made.

But back to the gayless job hunt. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here are three:

So the first one, as you can see, searches for writer and returns… a plumbing job? I’m not quite ready to wear my pants that low yet, Indeed. but thanks? I think?

In the second picture, some person on April 8th thought they would take to Craigslist to find a… marijuana dealer? Like, maybe I should have clicked on it because I have so many questions, but is that even legal? Welcome to Colorado, glad to be back.

The third picture, however, is the real winner. It wants me to teach children how to play the…eukellee. I think they’ve discovered a new instrument. But hey it sounded like a cool gig so I decided to email the lady about and I don’t really know much about it like at all but I HAVE AN INTERVIEW ON WEDNESDAY. And if I don’t get to teach kids how to play the eukellee, maybe I can teach them how to spell ukulele. We’ll see. To be fair, it’s probably just as hard to spell it as it is to play it.

And that’s where the heckfest is at these days, folks. Thanks for tuning in.

Glamris Life of a Grad

So, for someone who’s motto for the latter half of college was “C’s get degrees,” guess who got a 4.0?!?

Not me.

But someone, I’m sure.

But heck I got OUT OF THERE! I wore the cap and gown, wore some hecka high high heels (that I still have scabs from two weeks later #worthit) and I walked across that stage and shook some random peoples’ hands. I honestly can’t tell you who ANY of those people were–they could have put a garbage man in robes and I would have acted like he was the VIP. and THEN, the kicker, my mom took a video of me walking across stage and she thought I was the person behind me on the stairs, so she zoomed in on that girl, but it looked like she was just zooming STRAIGHT IN on my butt. So that was cool, she posted it on Facebook and tagged me in it, so that was enjoyed by all.

But anyway, the post grad life (for a week) has been SWEET. The day after graduating, I went out to a campsite and burned ALL the papers from my senior year.

And then I went to Utah to hang for a bit before coming home and realizing…

I don’t know what I’m doing now.

So there it is. For all you people who are like “hey what are you doing now that you’re done with college?” I haven’t thought that far, k?

So then I saw a post on my singles ward Facebook page and it called for physical laborers (vague… very vague) and I thought “well I’m real weak but I need money” so I call the guy and it turns out he sands…water slides. So I’ve been spending the week in various parts of the state on waterless water slides sanding them down so that the outer gel coat comes off. And when it comes off, guess where it goes? ALL OVER ME. So I’ve been a smurf and a yellow-bellied sneech so far on this journey.

I actually went into the bathroom of the neighboring golf course on a lunch break to clean up and this lady saw me and, after doing a double take, she goes “what are you wearing all over you??” As if I chose that particular fashion to go out and golf in.

“oh, you know…just last season’s shade of water slide.”

The worst part about it is that it gets all up in my eyes and everything is covered in sand dust so I can’t wipe my eyes and so I just have to turn off my sander and cry in the middle of the water slide for a minute until I can see again. What a metaphor for my life though, right?

And of course, I am probably going to kill myself by doing this because I wreck myself so easily. I have already sliced my finger, ripped through my jeans and cut my knee, bruised up my knees and elbows, and then I FELL OFF the slide right on my back and now I walk like an old man. Which old man? My dad, to be exact. I limp like I’m a sixty-year old with a recent knee replacement.

And as if that isn’t bad enough for my image, I decided to get a haircut. I have never liked my hair short, but I got this perm a few years ago that never fell out completely, so I’ve been chopping it out, and I wanted to finish the job. Then I thought I might get bangs while I’m at it cuz why not. So I’m telling the lady that and she’s like “oh, like a Chinese lady haircut?” and it’s too late to back out now so I’m like “…yeeeah…” thinking that it’s not like my face is very Chinese-looking so it’s not going to look that Chinese. And I was right. I don’t look Chinese. I look like freakin Will Byers from Stranger Things.

Tbh, I really do think it’s a terrible cut, but I’m so beyond caring. I think it’s hilarious. And thankfully it doesn’t look too bad if I pin back my bangs or put my hair up.

So that is my post grad life so far. Lookin like a 12 year-old boy, walkin like a 60 year-old man, and covered in random colored water slide gel coating. #noragrets

Stay tuned, the heckfest is only beginning.

And I said, what about….

Heckfest at Tyffani’s? I don’t eat a lot of breakfast… unless it’s at midnight. But I sure have a lot of heck fests. Or maybe it’s just one, ongoing, never-ending heckfest. Yeah, that’s probably it.

First off, my parent’s did not try to be unique in the spelling of my name. My birth certificate says Tiffany but I’ve spelled it Tyffani since high school because hek. I like it better that way.

I would give you a backstory of my life, but suffice it to say that I got an 85% on my autobiography which was an assignment for my creative nonfiction class, so I’m really not even that good at telling my own story. Apparently. I mean, an 85%? For telling the story of my own life which nobody knows better than I do? Awkward.

Given, my teacher didn’t even know what Tetris is. Which he admitted just before he told me to choose between the puzzle metaphor and the Tetris metaphor. I still haven’t told him that Tetris is basically a puzzle, which was the only metaphor used in the 250 word autobiography. Someone should probably tell him that….

Anyway, I’m a senior in college and I’ve got six weeks left until graduation and I’ve got about negative six weeks worth of motivation, so… livin on a prayer.

I paid for this domain months ago. I’m gonna start using it now. I hope it makes you laugh.