About a year ago, I claimed to have made job hunting my best friend. But we’ve been hanging out way too much lately and I’m straight up not having a good time.
I’ve been looking for a job for the past two months without success. And it’s exhausting. And I do cry several times a week while driving for DoorDash because I hate it so much and I just want a normal, dependable job that treats its employees well.
So in case you don’t know what the modern day job hunt is like, here’s a sneak peek.
In the age of social media, you’d think that LinkedIn could be a one-stop shop, right? Direct communication between employer/recruiter and candidate. No third party job sites that require your email and an account that you’ll never use again. No ridiculous link-clicking, taking you from site to site to site, only to submit a perfectly crafted resume and cover letter that someone would look at for six seconds before writing you off forever.
But no! Even businesses that use LinkedIn will sometimes have the Apply button link you to an outside job site that you have to sign up for. And you know what these websites do? Email you approximately 16 times a day with jobs that you are either a) unqualified for, b) overqualified for, c) completely uninterested in, or my personal favorite, d) super interested in but when you go to apply for it, it is conveniently unavailable. Three seconds after sending the email job alert out and the position is already taken — that’s good advertising.
I was used to getting the occasional email from Indeed, but as the job hunt intensified, I started getting emails from job sites I’ve never heard of. In fact, just as I typed that, my phone lit up with an email from Job-Tree. I don’t even remember signing up for Job-Tree. But now I have at least one email every hour from: Lensa, EveryJobForMe, Jobcase, ZipRecruiter, Monster, CareerBuilder, iHirePublishing, MarketingJobForce, Neuvoo, Apply-4-Jobs, Colorado Job Department, Localwise, erecruit, Glassdoor, Kalo, StartWire, Nexxt, GetHired, Workable, and, of course, ya boi Job-Tree. And mind you, I have not purposely visited any job finding website except for Indeed and Glassdoor in my entire life.
And these emails will try to be personable, like some guy named Phil will be saying: “Tyffani! I have a job that lines up well with your resume. Check it out!” and the position will be some astrophysics position requiring a BS in engineering. Really, Phil? That lines up with my resume?
And sometimes it’s not that always that you have to apply through one of these random websites, but what I almost find more ridiculous is the companies that make you apply on their site. And not only do I have to apply on their site, but I have to make an account in order to apply on their site, even though I will likely never EVER have to use that account again.
But wait it gets worse. These companies not only ask for your resume, they then ask you to fill out all these forms about your job history. Like, brother–what do you think my resume is?! I will tolerate a lot in job hunting, but that? I am “thank u, next” to those jobs because if I have to jump through that many hoops just to apply for a job, I already know they’re not a company I want to work for.
On the flip side of those companies that want everything, though, a lot of sites feature the “One-Click Apply.” I really enjoy the one-click apply because it’s easy, but sometimes… it’s too easy. For example, one site asked if I wanted to “One-Click Apply” for 28 jobs simultaneously. I thought that sounded pretty good, so I clicked the button before I skimmed through the job options. Now I am getting rejection emails left and right from jobs I didn’t even want. Benihana doesn’t want me as a line cook? Can’t imagine why they weren’t impressed with my writing resume. Can’t imagine a more qualified candidate.
The best part, however, is when you submit 10 applications a day for two months and then a recruiter contacts you out of the blue on LinkedIn for a job you didn’t apply for while the hundreds that you did apply for don’t give you any attention. And then you get really interested in this job, despite the awful pay and terrible commute, and get rejected and spend the whole day crying because you’re just really desperate and hopeless at this point.
So what is it, guys? Should I be lying on my resume? Should I be playing hard to get? Should I be using my social media stalking skills to show up at the hiring manager’s house with food? Those with jobs, please weigh in.
Heckfest @ Tyffani's 